The problem with angry women...

Okay, in my second to last post, I think I made it sound like I spend a lot of my day thinking about angry things and fuming.  This isn't quite true... I would rephrase it as "I spend time hearing and reading things that bother me and I think a lot about my true feelings on the subject(s) and how I can change those things in my life."  That sounds a little better, right?

Basically, most of my "deep thinking time" is  spurred on by what I read out there in the blogosphere.  And unfortunately, a good portion of that is based on blog posts by what appears to be angry people, specifically angry women.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it... Most of the time, I am guilty of thinking that whatever I do is best.  Best not only for my family, but everyone. "Why don't you  just see it like this???" I silently scream at my computer screen.  But, through Erik's anthropological ways, I'm beginning to understand why this just doesn't work.  From his stand point, you can't do things like pass judgments on people's priorities or world view.  Instead I should be doing something like, oh, trying to see where they are coming from.

Lately, I think I've had a break through.

I have read plenty of attachment parenting blogs that I have nodded my head along to happily while simultaneously trying to ignore certain posts that made me feel like a monster or fool in my parenting choices.  And then I read a post of a lady who said that she too had labeled herself an "attachment parent", something that was meant to be all about warm fuzzies and love, etc etc.  But then she felt also, that some people got a little to severe in their judgments and rules about what was AP and what was not.  I feel generally like they are kind of, how do you say, militant?  I'm still all about going with my instincts and researching what my child is coming into contact with, and deferring to what makes me feel like a good parent rather than guilt-racked.  But I just can't hack the mommy wars any more.  And my kid isn't even two.

I'm all about breastfeeding, but I'm not going to go on and on about how if you don't you're a jerk and "how dare you nurse with a cover, you prude!" (Yes I have read that and yes it made me really sad.  Sorry that in order for me to nurse comfortably, I had to show some skin and wasn't comfortable showing it off to just anyone at any time, but I nursed like a champ anyway, so nuts to you.  Sorry that it allegedly held so many people around me back from seeing the natural beauty of breastfeeding.)  I'm all about loving support, not so much about demoinzing other mothers.  It's hard enough for every mom out there as it stands.

But those blogs weren't enough, my opinion's ego's final blow came over the past week.  I was wasting time on the internet and came across another group of women who seemed mighty miffed about something.  And that thing was allegedly equality or lack thereof.  Oh yes, they were feminists.

I have been thinking about feminism off and on for many years, seeing as how I am a woman.  I never got too into it, and then once I got married and started having kids it came up in my mind again.  Generally, my stance is that women should totally have equal rights as men but I really don't feel like my husband and I are "equal" in every way.  There are some things that each of us are better at, that have nothing to do with gender.  I'm better with the car, he taught me how to cross stitch.  We have equal say in our budget, goals, household activities and responsibilities... But I can also do awesome woman-only stuff, like have babies.  And he can do awesome man-only stuff, like pee standing up.  If we were totally exactly equal in everything and could do everything the same, how could we complement each other?

From what I gathered from this particular website, equality seemed like just the tip of the iceberg.  Many women went on and on about hearsay and the way their parents screwed them up...  And there was a lot of resentment and hate directed at other women, who I suppose were less than these feminists because they "bought in" to gender roles or some such. I guess anyone who's "educated" has to feel that way, or they're somehow warped.  There couldn't possibly be stay-at-home moms who spend a lot of time thinking about the world around them, right? I thought this was extremely odd, because I thought feminists were all about women in general, and it seemed like other women garnered sooo much ill will.  I seriously had to stop reading today... I literally felt nauseated from all the hatefulness.

And that's when it hit me.

If your parents screwed you up, try extra hard to be good to your kids. (There will always be people who are doing it "wrong", but you don't know their lives... and at the very least, by doing it "right" you could be giving your kid a leg-up in society.) If you want someone to see your point of view, gently support them. If you want to make a change, do it peacefully.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, after all.  And in the words of my father, to my PETA-loving, teenage self, "No one likes a tree hugging, femi-nazi."